MRSA party time

A retirement party for MRSA - 50 years this October

Maybe the Bacteriophage Applications UK conference organisers already know that it's the 50th birthday for MRSA on 2nd October 2011. Even the biggest and best pharmaceutical companies have been unable to match the strength of MRSA without causing more untold misery from diarrhoea and death as side effects. Unfortunately it all originated here in Surrey, UK in 1961, just down the road from here. I won't mention names since they already know who they are.

                                                General Sunlight and Field Marshal Phage
                                                               run rings round MRSA

I say we should instead, have a bit of a knees-up to celebrate the MRSA-defeating success stories, the military strategists bearing such wonderful names as

Field Marshal Phage

General Sunlight

Wing Commander Gutsy

Air Chief Marshal Ozone

Admiral Ionised-Water

Colonel Copper

Group Captain Garlic

Sergeant Major Silver

Private Maggot

UV (this is a codename - on a secret service mission)

and the sweetest one of all - Sister Honey.

No doubt, there are more.

I am sure Petty Officer Probiotics is an ally. I heard he's up for promotion.

Field Marshal Phage has trillions of progeny.

32 WW2 pigeons won a Dickin Medal for their bravery delivering messages, some of them from here in Reigate. We could arrange a special flypast and a brass band. Not to worry about the mess because that's how phages spread naturally, doing Sterling work.

We could also celebrate the fact that now we have over 12,000 people who have visited since I was awarded my Winston Churchill Travelling Award Fellowship - thank you. The very first video clip that I posted on YouTube at that time in Spring 2007 deliberately had no sound and no captions, and now it has had over two and a quarter million viewings. Isn't that amazing, with no advertising budget and no staff - just goodwill and good friends.

More guests essential to the MRSA party

If we are celebrating the success of MRSA-Busters 50 years since it arrived on this earth, then we must include all those underground resistance workers, with their wonderful coloured costumes and disguises. It's the Vitamin Brigade that are life's little essentials, and it's Vitamin C that leads the way in the fight against MRSA.

Water-soluble, C can squeeze his way out of practically all fruits and vegetables and comes highly recommended by General Montgomery in WW2 - he brought back a huge box of oranges from North Africa, right in the middle of a freezing English winter. If you're really desperate battling with MRSA, remember that Vitamin C has been administered by injection in high doses - there are various books and information available that show how and why this is done, but it is rather a military secret, yes? Word on the street is that it's because it jolly well works.

Oily young D is right there next to him - yes, nickname of Sunny or Sunday, AKA Fishy because of the Cod Liver variety. Here's a favourite quote of his: "The latest findings on Vitamin D, those on resistant bacteria, and those on the human body's response to bright light, suggest that George Bernard Shaw was right to turn his hut towards the sun after all." Richard Hobday PhD wrote that in The Light Revolution which I reviewed and highly recommended in 2006. Five years on and yet MRSA battles still continue, to the death.

We could go through the whole Vitamin Brigade but I would especially like to invite B17 as a Guest of Honour. He already has a high military rank being a Colonel, or should I spell it Kernel. Soft skinned with a gentle glow and sweet by nature, he's a hard nut to crack, even under torture. He goes by the name of Apricot and is very much an 'under the radar' kind of vitamin. The story goes that, hounded by the MHRA and even the BBC when people were singing his praises, he was confiscated in a dawn raid, subjected to a court case that was farcical (in my humble opinion - actually I was once called a barrack-room lawyer, but that's another story), turned into a criminal and forced to work in a charity shop as punishment. Eventually he was dumped back outside the door one morning in a black plastic sack, along with all his Green Tea mates. I am pleased to say that these now live a peaceful existence in my kitchen in their very own special tin. As well as these adventures and indignities, Kernel Apricot B17 has thoroughly earned his honours on different battlefields, in the bitterly faught Cancer Wars, and has certainly done well to survive such persecution. I saw him on eBay the other day.

We must also make sure that the other essential nursing staff are well represented at this MRSA knees-up.

Staff Nurse Tea Tree wears wonderful perfume, a smart green uniform and a pretty smile. Her real name is Melaleuca - isn't it beautiful? There are so many others with fancy names although I don't remember all of them and their job descriptions. The secret with essential oils, which I will whisper to you here, is that it is all about quality. Then, and I will say this only once, you need to know that they work together synergistically, just as a well-run hospital should. One rotten member of staff and it spoils the others and lets down the whole team, making a horrible stink.

I suggest the MRSA party organisers would be Strictly Organic so look out for their handsome big-hearted boss, Big Farmer (not to be confused with Big Pharma - the infamous, hideously fat and mega-rich master spy. You know the type - built like a concrete tank trap with dragon's teeth - forces drugs and needles into innocent people like there's no tomorrow - laughs a lot - hangs out with bankers, politicians and Decision Makers).

With all these little resistance workers, rank and file and even top brass at this special event, perhaps we should extend an invitation to Vancomycin out of courtesy. After all he is a well known name in the medical world and some people owe their lives to him. But if he comes then I insist he does some sort of a peace deal with Master Chief Petty Officer Probiotics and Field Marshal Phage at long last.

And as a mark of respect for his patience and great honour in battle for time immemorial, I would like to nominate Field Marshal Phage for the Order of the Bath.

Finally we must surely have some spice girls as entertainment. Turmeric and Ginger are two that spring to mind. Music, MAESTRO! (or should that be VISA...oh well - sigh.)

MRSA? Never heard of it before 1961

Copyright Grace Filby 2011